Alright kids, I've got a little secret to tell you tonight.

And it has to do with a little thing called

 dating.

In my 21 years of life, having spent the last 5 being at an acceptable dating age, I have come to find that not all guys are gems. 

And certainly not all dates are winners, ya dig?

As of recently I have found that when I am not really into the date (i.e. the guy really isn't my style)

I tend to zone out.

I mean, I can keep up the 

"I'm so interested in everything you are saying, please tell me more about your latest trip the gym"

for at least a good hour or two.

But after that I start to dozeeeeee.

When this happens, I stick to my two staple phrases to basically let the guy know I'm still alive and haven't been suffocated by his giant ego,

but lets be honest, he probably wouldn't even notice if I gently opened my car door and flung myself out of it going a solid 30 mph. 

Whatever, these phrases both contain three little words that feed the womanizer just enough to keep him blabbing about himself all night so I don't have to say a thing, ready?

"That's so funny"

"I love that"

"That's so funny"- Actually it's not, it wasn't funny when it happened and it certainly isn't funny now. And in fact, your horse like laugh and the way you slap your steering wheel because your knee is simply too far away are such a turn off I'd rather kiss a frog because it has more potential of learning manners than you do. But, I'll continue to keep my eyes forward as well as one butt cheek off the right side of the seat so none of your wandering hands can accidentally make their greasy way to my thigh. Thanks. 

"I love that"- You are now on your 50th story about yourself and I am sincerely not paying any attention, not to mention I am starving! This is because the second the meal started I could see you taking a detailed mental note of my caloric intake, so I unfortunately skipped on those delicious rolls. What I wouldn't give to be home making cookies. And actually, could you drop by the state liquor store? I've never been drunk, but boy does tonight sound like a good night to try. K bye.

I'll tell you what, these are fool proof! 

In my experience, a guy has never been the wiser!

So ladies, the next time you are on one of these awful dates and you decide you would rather eat glass or be subject to Chinese water torture than be stuck for the next couple of hours with this dude, just stick to these two sayings and I promise you will be golden!

mmmhmmm, I'm sure you do.

No thank you.

xx,

m.