Illusions

Let's talk about them.

it's honesty hour right here on this Sunday afternoon. 

In this day and age it is sooooo easy to.. 

enhance yourself.

and if you're not looking to actually do anything to yourself per say.. there is a filter for that.

And now lets be honest, I am not exempt from this. 

Oh no.. in fact, I'm probably one of the worst offenders. 

Take 20 pictures of virtually the same pose

pick the one you like the most

edit the crap out of it

have your friend look at it

edit some more

crop it just right

figure out the most original caption and if you cant think of one, stick with song lyrics

and then POST.

and wait....

flip your phone upside down so you won't check it.. 

check it..

put it back down

check it again.

But guess what?

None of it is real.

Life doesn't happen picture to picture.

Life is what happens in between pictures.

I feel like we are all so wrapped up in our social media worlds.

We have friends on social networks that we never actually speak to or even look at in real life.

We spend ridiculous amounts of time thinking up 140 characters to tweet.

We spend hours primping for a single photo.

So, I have a serious question..

How many people know you?

I mean TRULY know YOU

The sweatpants, no make up, greasy hair, unbrushed teeth, chipped nails, pounding a non diet soda while fused to your couch, you.

Off of the top of my head, I can name 15. 

Now lets compare that..

As of this moment I have 

938 instagram followers..

423 twitter followers..

376 Pinterest followers..

and 84 Vine followers.

And I can only name 15 who actually know the real me..

But for the most part, the majority of them will never know me.

And I was thinking how guilty I feel sometimes.. tricking people into thinking I am way cooler than I actually am.

SOOO to get to the point of this rambling, I'm going to give you all a glimpse in to my seemingly glamorous lifestyle.

I work. Every damn day.

At a desk, answering phone calls, and running social media.

It is the opposite of fun or exciting, but it's a job.

The majority of my nights are spent not at parties,

but at my house.. in my flannel pants, fuzzy socks, a boys oversized shirt and my glasses on.

Either stalking tumblr or watching a Disney Channel Original Movie.

Usually, I'm asleep by 11.

I wear a retainer to bed.

My childhood stuffed Toucan is tucked ever so tenderly in one of the corners of my bed frame.

I'm just boring, for the most part. and I loveeeeeeee it! 

But you'll never see that on the gram, or tweet book, or Vine.

Because that's just the way the world works.

So to make myself feel less guilty for lying to you all,

here are some of the big secrets,

and this doesn't just go for me this goes for a lot of girls!

I'm probably going to be shunned from girl world for a while for sharing these things but there are some tricks.. tricks that make all girls look better.

We are master illusionists, 

ready?

(Also, feel free to judge my pictures. I'm judging them myself.)

 SURPRISE!!!

My long, luscious locks.. yup, they're fake.

Fake, fake, fake.

I got them a year ago for fun and I love them.

My real hair is about mid boob, my fake hair is about mid tummy. 

Sorry for fooling you. 

It feels so good getting that off my chest.

 Also, my hair is fine. So I hair spray it to make it so big.

 My teeth?

Oh yeah, they are totally naturally this white.

NOT.

(Wait, how awesome is this outfit? welcome to my life)

 When girls take this kind of picture,

Butt out, chest out, hand on waist.

They are trying to say..

"Look, I have curves.. but am also like, super skinny, wanna date?"

As well, the slight angle of the body makes us look skinnier in photos.

Tricked ya.

This picture is easily the hardest one to accomplish correctly.

It's the chic-yet-cute-yet-sassy-lookathowskinnyIambecausemyheadlooksbiggerthanmybody pose.

Butt out to give you a huge thigh gap,

arms as close together as possible to still look natural so your shoulders appear less broad,

slight head tilt to get your good side,

and the pucker lips to suck in your double chin and make you look like you have a super defined jawline.

Kudos to the girls who can actually pull this off.. Impressive.

So, here you have it folks.

There is the not so glamorous look into my life.

And I apologize for the weird ramblings in there, but I'm too lazy to take them out.

And a glimpse into the world of girls photos.

Sorry for ruining the mystery.

But I just couldn't lie any longer.

Phew, now if you'll excuse me.. I'm going to go take a few mirror pics.

ok, bye.

xx,

m.